she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
