what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
