i'm signing you up for texting rehab
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
