[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize