Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
