My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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