yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
