he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
