mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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