I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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