we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just high enough for therapy.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
