I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize