I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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