I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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