i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
