Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
