you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
