i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
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his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
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when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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