my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
