You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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