you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
