im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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