he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
