apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
