I'm jealous of your bromance
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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