Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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