Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
please come you make the beer taste better
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
