I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
How external is "for external use only"?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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