remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
