I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
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