alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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