I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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