One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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