Just fell off a train. Bad.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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