Whats the glycemic index on semen?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
