dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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