I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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