can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
