Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Just puked most of my soul out..
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
