i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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