He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
