I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
