you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
