Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
