Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
