ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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