i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
