You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
