they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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