she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
