I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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