giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Randomize
