Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
