I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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