id be glad to
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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