No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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