It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
