5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Randomize
