I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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