the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
