apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
