so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...so i touched it.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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