I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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