listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
operation harelip BJ is a go
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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