I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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