So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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