My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
