my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
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