3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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