My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
