Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
