Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
