I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
