I bet he comes in French.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
