I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
