Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
