I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
