Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
