Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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