I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
