now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
