You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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